A Special Birthday Wish

Today would've been the 65th birthday of my step-father, Roy Ragsdale. Unfortunately, he is no longer with us as he passed away 9 years ago. In fact his passing was almost one year to the day of when our daughter was born. He died July 19, 1997...Kaitlyn was born July 14, 1998.

As I stop to remember him today, there are several emotions I am going through. To say that my childhood was a bit stressful is an understatement. Yes, it's expected that teenage boys and their fathers will clash and butt heads. I was no exception. We really had some knock down drag outs (some literally but very few) and way too many arguments & screaming matches. It seemed to me that he was constantly riding me about things but for those of you who have teenagers or kids coming up on their teenage years, that seems to be a common complaint.

Our home life was kind of stressful because we never knew what kind of mood Dad was going to be in. Was he going to be snarly & surly or amiable for conversation and family time? We never knew for sure, which I think is a small reason why we felt like we had to walk around on eggshells. As far as he and I doing the manly "father-son" things like camping or playing ball or shooting guns or whatever, that was pretty much non-existant. Oh sure, there'd be a few times when we might play a game of catch or something but unfortunately for both of us, we never developed that close relationship I so coveted as a young boy.

There were those times when I saw glimpses of hope, that he really wanted to make that worthwhile connection with me but for one reason or another, we never clicked.

I know that throughout my childhood and early years of being an adult, I heard from my mom how much he loved me and he was really trying to build that bridge into my life, to create that bond. I think he began to see how we'd never had that "father-son" bond and he began trying to make it happen.

We began to have less of those times of strife and dissension and a few more instances of beginning to understand each other. While I'm sure neither one of my parents were too thrilled with me setting out to become a big shot radio DJ, they never criticized me or became critical of that decision. He never stopped giving advice, what parent doesn't, but he really started making those efforts to support me & guide me as I considered my future, my career and getting married.

My entire family absolutely loved Jennifer (they still do) and many of them wondered why I'd waited so long to pop the question when I finally did. But my dad was one of those who kept saying "you need to quit worrying about your career and marry Jennifer. She's an extremely special girl and you both belong together." That was the kind of advice I didn't mind hearing and I finally heeded it in December 1994.

It was probably either mid 1993 or early 1994 when I got the call one afternoon at home that hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom called and said I needed to sit down because she had something urgent to tell me. Knowing that instruction like that usually means something bad, I waited for her to reveal it to me.

"Your dad has cancer and..."

That's all I can remember her telling me. The impact I felt when I heard that news was as if someone had punched me in the stomach. The immediate whirlwind of emotion I felt washed over me like a huge swell at high tide. Everything I'd felt for the past 17+ years hit me at once.

My anger, resentment, hurt, longing, hate, wanting to love, wanting to please, wanting to make proud, an impending loss, feeling alone at that very moment...all of it overwhelmed me and I fell on my bed with great sobs and tears.

I began to cry out of sorrow...a sorrow for the loss of a man who seemed almost impenatrable, with his positions of authority as school superintendent and minister of music at the church, a sorrow for the man who had done what he thought was best in raising me, a sorrow for the loss of time I spent rebelling against him and fighting him on numerous things, a sorrow for a relationship that wouldn't be able to flourish and mature in the years to come, a sorrow for the loss of a man who would never be able to see my children, his grandchildren and their loss not to have him in their lives.

As you could imagine, the next few months began to change the way I saw Dad. He went from being a strong, vibrant, confident man to one who became sick, weak and uncertain. I saw him transform into a frail individual who spent a lot of time covered in blankets in his recliner at home. This was especially the case in his last days.

I regret and mourn for the last time I saw him alive and I hate that this is how I last saw him.

Jennifer and I were married and had gone to visit them there in Tennessee one weekend. We had to leave that Sunday afternoon to get back to Columbia, Missouri so we had done what we could to get out there one more time. We were all fairly sure that his time was nearing an end, from the amount of weight he'd lost to all the treatments he'd gone through to the last few reports from the doctors. I know it must have been so hard for him to come to realize he was human and he was going to pass soon.

Yet, the last time I saw him, we had one last final blowout and it kills me to think about it.

We'd been sitting there at the dinner table after church (he was too sick to even leave the house anymore) and Mom was frantically going back & forth from the kitchen to the table, bringing out food, refilling drinks and such. Dad, probably being in pain and sensing his time was near, began to snap at Mom for absolutely the smallest of things. I don't even remember the specifics but it was something insignificant I'm sure.

At first, I tried to brush it off as "he's sick and he's not feeling well". But the tension began to thicken around the room and the table. Jennifer wasn't accustomed to seeing and feeling such hostility and I saw her try to ignore it by meekly giving me a reassuring smile. I think I may have tried to even diffuse the impending blowup by offering to help out with whatever Dad needed but to no avail.

He continued to snap and bark and the tension began to mount with a splitting pressure. Finally, I had held back long as I could and I exploded.

I don't remember what I said exactly but I knew at that moment, I was a man and was not afraid to stand up for my wife, my mom and myself and would not let anyone, sick or not, degrade us or disrespect us in that manner anymore. I do remember grabbing my plate and silverware up off the table and stormed into the kitchen, slamming them into the sink.

For just a moment, silence and a pressureless vacuum filled the space. It was like my breathing and the words I'd spoken in rage all just hung there in the air, suspended in time. And then, just as soon as it started, everything was over.

Everything but my emotions and once again, realizing how awful things were, from the blowout to the reality that Dad was dying, I began to shake & sob with great heaves as my wife & mother came to comfort me. There was no way to stop the tears or emotions and I just kind of let it all out, releasing the anger and sorrow that had for so long consumed my life. My dad and I came together and wept for what seemed like an hour or so, realizing how we'd been fighting for such asinine reasons all our lives.

At that moment, a true sense of healing began in my life as God began to start giving me brief glimpses into His ever-lasting peace, joy and love. I began to feel the ebb of negativity and anger seep away, replaced by the eternal love & peace that only comes from knowing and recognizing God as Lord & Savior.

As we drove away that afternoon, I'll remember always looking back in my rearview mirror as my dad, standing there in the driveway, frail and weak, raised his arm to wave goodbye to me, only to then bury his head in my mother's shoulder, weeping and crying the same way I was as I drove toward home.

It wasn't too many days later that I got the phone call from Mom, while I was on the air no less, that Dad had finally gone on to be with the Lord. Oddly enough, the song that was playing at the time of the call was Clint Black's "Like The Rain" and anytime I hear that song, I remember that call. The other song that reminds me intensely about my Dad and the relationship we had and yet didn't have is John Michael Montgomery's "I Miss You A Little". As Jennifer and I sat in the audience a few months after Dad died and listened to JMM sing that song live, I began to again softly cry and mourn for the loss of not only a father but also a relationship that I'd never get to see evolve...at least on this side of Heaven.

Well, Dad, if there's even a chance that you're reading this today from that place of peace, I want to tell you that I do love you and miss you immensely. I have seen and gone through some incredible mountains and valleys, all because of the providence and grace of God. You probably were around the throne that day in 2001 when I completely submitted my life to following Christ. You were probably there when the angels began to applaud that another lost sheep had come home and you were probably one of the ones who clapped the loudest.

Even though you aren't here in person to see your grandkids or experience the joy they bring all of us, I know that one day we will all be reunited in Heaven, in that place where neither death nor sorrow roam but only praise and worship for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. A place where He has promised to wipe every tear from every eye and believe me...

after writing this blog today, I need my eyes wiped.

My heart aches for what we didn't have together here on earth but it waits in anticipation for what awaits all who believe on Him and who will one day be gathered together as one big family.

Dad, thank you for helping to instill within me the seed of knowing Jesus and trusting Him in all things. I miss you tremendously but I thank God for His faithfulness and promises that one day, we'll see each other again.

Happy Birthday, Dad...I love you

Proud Mama & Papa

Friday was a parent-teacher conference day for Jennifer & me as we met with Kaitlyn's 3rd grade teacher. I wasn't too nervous about what we'd hear about her but I was a little curious as to how she'd do for her first "letter grade" report card. In times past, it was either E (excellent), V (very good), S (satisfactory) or N (needs help). This year, it's the traditional A, B, C, D & F scale. Kaitlyn is a very smart, bright, intelligent girl but every once in a while, she shows she's her mother's daughter and gets caught talking.

To say she's a social creature is an understatement. Kaitlyn's never met a stranger and can VERY quickly make friends and conversation with the majority of the kids she meets. She's an extremely confident, independent girl and I think some of these bold characters will help her achieve many of her goals in life.

Her teacher reiterated this to us during the conference. She said that Kaitlyn's scores in a nationwide assessment called the Iowa Tests were very high, scoring in the 98th percentile nationwide. That means, in a nutshell, she did better than 98% of all the kids who took the tests. Outstanding!!

"However" her teacher said "she didn't do as well in the 'listening' section."

"Listening" I asked. "Is that like 'listening & comprehension'?"

"Yes, but it's even more than that" the teacher said. "In fact, some of those questions neither you nor I could get so I think it's a bad way to measure kids' abilities."

"Well, if listening and comprehending is the key issue, that comes from me" I admitted. "Daddy had a hard time following along in school when I was a kid."

"I see" said the teacher. "Well, Kaitlyn is an excellent student and her grades will show this on her grade card. However, she does like to talk."

Without missing a beat, I said "...and that would be due to her mother's genes."

Jennifer slunk down in her chair, head lowered and said softly "yes, I like to talk and that would be my fault."

As the teacher went on to explain how Kaitlyn's grades were recorded (she only missed getting straight A's by 5 points!!) I looked at Jennifer and coyly pointed my finger at her and mouthed the words "da hah!!"

That is our code word for each other when we mock them in triumph and victory. I do it to her as often as I can because, to put it frankly, it's NOT all that often I can claim victory. She, on the other hand, has gotten so good at giving me the "da hah!" that she's got the kids joining in with her. In fact, all three of them beat me home from lunch today and as I raised the garage door to pull the car in, all three of them stood there, fingers outstretched in my direction and yelling at the top of their lungs "DA HAH!! You are the loser, Daddy!!"

See, it's all about the encouragement in our family. Good thing I'm so thick skinned.

Anyway, the conference concluded with the prediction that Kaitlyn will be a straight A student next quarter from the teacher and from us. I am so thrilled to see her excelling in her work and studies, enjoying the third grade and really making the effort to do well at school. She absolutely loves her teacher this year, quite the contrary to last year's teacher, which, in my opinion, makes all the difference. Kate's attitude, energy and enthusiasm for school this year is light years above where it was last year and I think her teacher has a lot to do with it.

But we are so proud of Kaitlyn and her first actual report card!! Her Grandpa Fred would've been so proud of her as well, praising her for achieving, as he put it so often to Jennifer and me, "the almighty A!"

Way to go, Sweetie!! We love you and are so proud of you!! Keep up the great work!!

Try Not To Laugh

So the other day, my wife and I were home with Jake and hoping to enjoy some "quality" time with the boy before Kaitlyn got home from school. As is normally the case, however, he had other ideas.

We were all in the study, I on the computer, Jennifer on the couch reading a book and Jake doing his own thing. I don't think he realized he said this but we heard him say "oh shut up you." Well, of course this came as a shock to us and we quickly reprimanded the boy, telling him it's not nice to say that to people.

"Stop it, chicken nugget head" he snapped back. That's about the most extreme thing he knows to say, especially when he's mad.

"Jacob" I said, with a little more edge to my voice, "you need to stop it right now or you're going to get a swat on your bottom."

"NO!" he shouted back in defiance.

"Young man, apologize right now or you're going to get a spanking and go to your room" I responded.

"Quit it, Daddy or I'm not gonna be your best friend. Now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" he yelled.

T-minus 3...2...1...and liftoff! Daddy's hand missile was launched and scored a direct hit on the best target on his backside. However, it's impact was only about a 3.5 on a 10 scale. It was meant as more of an attention / pride debunker, not a stinger....which I'm more than capable of delivering when it's most necessary.

Jake looked back with a look of feigned shock and repulsion, an almost "what are you doing? I was only kidding" look to his face. But for good measure, he tried to turn on the faucet. Seeing how it wasn't working though, he began to "wail" at about an 8 on a 10 scale.

"OK, now go to your room and think about it" I said sternly.

He proceeded to move toward the stairs but was in absolutely no hurry to comply. Let's put it like this...I've seen grass grow quicker than he was moving that day. So, I stood up to help corral him toward his room.

Amazingly, his pace picked up and he began to bound up the stairs...all 17 of them.

I followed about 4 steps behind, ensuring of his safe delivery to his intended destination when all of a sudden, he stopped, stood straight up and whirled around, looking at me with the most determined, mad face he could muster.

"I'm about to get really mad at you guys" he hissed.

Immediately, my head spun around and buried itself into my armpit, trying like anything to stifle the uncontrolled laughter from deep within. As I did, I saw Jennifer throw a pillow up over her face, attempting to drown out her fits of laughter as well.

"Go to the angry place" I whispered inside my head. "Do NOT let him see you laugh, you inefficient stooge."

"I'm really mad at you, Daddy..." he repeated.

I blurted out the only thing I could muster at that moment.

"I'm (giggle) about to get (snort & giggle) mad at you if (snort snort) you don't do what I said, Jake" I blubbered.

Cautiously I turned back to face my aggressor and saw he was already on his way up to his room. Apparently, I'd won this mini-battle but I know the war is no where near over.

"God," I prayed within "I want to do what's best for that boy and discipline him properly but how can I do that when I can't keep from laughing at him and his responses?"

I'm still trying to find a scripture I can refer to during those times of stifled laughter & corporal punishment.

That kid is going to make me gray before I'm 40. God give me strength. LOL

Emergency Phone Numbers

A good friend of mine, Jeff Young, recently gave our Connection Group members some great scriptures and words of encouragement for those times in our lives when we feel we're at a loss for what to do. They are specific scriptures for specific needs and situations. Reminders of what to do when we're angry and seeking revenge (James 1:19-20) or when we feel we're falling into temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13) or even when we're scared (Philippians 4:6-7). I'm going to not only apply these to my life but learn them so they become second nature to me.

It's funny...as I was looking over Jeff's cards of encouragement this morning, it reminded me of an email another great friend of mine, Andy Tutin, sent me a year or so ago. They are numerous scriptures that you can go to when you are dealing with a season of crisis in your life, much like the list Jeff gave me.

I hope you get some encouragement from this list and will be able to use them the way God intended them to be used...

for encouragement and enrichment of your life.

Have a great day!!

******

Emergency Telephone Numbers

These are more effective than 911. Call when . . .

You are sad, phone: John 14
You have sinned, phone: Psalm 51
You are facing danger, phone: Psalm 91
People have failed you, phone: Psalm 27
It feels as though God is far from you, phone: Psalm 139
Your faith needs stimulation, phone: Hebrews 11
You are alone and scared, phone: Psalm 23
You are worried, phone: Matthew 8:19–34
You are hurt and critical, phone: 1 Corinthians 13
You wonder about Christianity, phone: 2 Corinthians 5:15-18
You feel like an outcast, phone: Romans 8:31-39
You are seeking peace, phone: Matthew 11:25-30
It feels as if the world is bigger than God, phone: Psalm 90
You need Christ like insurance, phone: Romans 8:1-30
You are leaving home for a trip, phone: Psalm 121
You are praying for yourself, phone: Psalm 87
You require courage for a task, phone: Joshua 1
Investments are hogging your thoughts, phone: Mark 10:17-31
You are depressive, phone: Psalm 27
Your bank account is empty, phone: Psalm 37
You lose faith in mankind, phone: Corinthians 13
It looks like people are unfriendly, phone: John 15
You are losing hope, phone: Psalm 126
You feel the world is small compared to you, phone: Psalm 19
You want to carry fruit, phone: John 15
Paul’s secret for happiness, phone: Colossians 3:12-17
With big opportunity/discovery, phone: Isaiah 55
To get along with other people, phone: Romans 12

ALTERNATE NUMBERS

For dealing with fear, call: Psalm 3:47
For security, call: Psalm 121:3
For assurance, call: Mark 8:35
For reassurance, call: Psalm 145:18


All of these numbers may be phoned directly
No Operator assistance is necessary
All lines to Heaven are available 24 hours a day

FEED YOUR FAITH AND DOUBT WILL STARVE TO DEATH

From Confusion Comes Peace

I feel a deep burden this morning as I write this entry. A great deal of it is from sadness, some from confusion and seeking direction in my life and a longing to know that I'm doing God's will. I've mentioned within the past couple of weeks about how a song by Michael Sweet "Take My Life" has absolutely blessed me to no ends. In fact, I'm listening to it as I sit here and wonder on what to write about.

It's message is so simple but so absolutely profound.

"God, take absolutely everything about me and within me and use it as You see fit. May I be obedient to Your call and plan upon my life. Let others around me not see me but may they see You living and working within. May my life be an example of Your saving grace, mercy and never ending faithfulness."

That has always been my hope and desire for this blog. I have no idea (only God knows) what kind of impact I'm having...or rather, this blog is having on the lives of those who read it. But if you are reading this and God is speaking to you, my prayer is that you will listen to that Voice inside.

God loves you. He wants you to know His peace and His blessings. Oh friend, He has a storehouse of blessings just waiting for you and me and He wants to bestow them upon you today. But you must come to know and trust in Him. I can promise you that my life has changed for the good because I put aside my own wants & agendas and trusted Him as my Lord & Savior.

Can I go out and prove things scientifically? Can I reason His being through mathematical equations or philosophical theories? No, I can't and I'll freely admit that. But what I can do is say that all of the answers I sought I've found through the reading of His holy word and through the faith I've developed by trusting in Him in all areas of my life.

I've talked before about how lost I was before I came to know Christ as my Savior. I was an absolute mess, trying to make things work on my own skills, through my own reasonings and according to my own plans. But I never seemed to find that inner peace and purpose I was searching for deep down.

Yet, when I gave every area of my life over to Him, it was just like the Bible says...the "spiritual scales fell from my eyes & ears" and I began to see and hear Him vibrantly. I am no exception either. He can and will do the same for you if you'll only but trust in Him today. Give it all up to God. Your hurts, your pains, your misery, your confusion, your questions, your doubts...leave them all at the foot of the cross and walk away victorious because of His grace & mercy.

Let me echo a song by Casting Crowns...

"I once was lost but now I'm found, I once was lost but now I'm found, so far away but I'm home now, I once was lost but now I'm found...

and now my lifesong sings...

I once was blind, but now I see, I once was blind but now I see, I don't how but when He touched me, I once was blind but now I see...

and now my lifesong sings...

I once was dead but now I live, I once was dead but now I live, now my life to You I give, now my life to You I give...

Halellujah, Halellujah!!

Let my lifesong sing to You!"

So much of what we live and see today, we have to know how it works. What's in it...how does it affect me? Is this relevant to me? There is no truth anymore except for my truth and your truth and their truth...

Yet, what if there is more? What if there IS one supreme truth...one absolute? What if that absolute IS God Himself? What then?

Friend, this is what I believe...

that God so loved this wretched, despicable world that He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins...my sins, your sins, the sin of the world...and that whomever believes upon the Name of the Lord will be saved and will never see death but will live with Him forever!! You see, God didn't send Christ to earth to condemn us all to hell but to save us through the awesome gift of His miraculous shed blood.

All we have to do is believe and trust Him.

Oh yes...something wonderful happens when we call upon the name of Jesus. He saves, He cleanses, He restores, He loves and thank God Almighty...today...

He lives!

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Today happens to be my mother's birthday and to preserve the chance that I'll get something for Christmas this year, I won't reveal her age.

I know that there will be all kinds of celebrations for her this weekend from various friends and my sister but unfortunately I won't be able to be there for any of them. Living 12 hours away will do that for family birthdays. But, she will have a wonderful time with her new husband, Aubrey, whom we all love and welcome to the family like he's been here for years. I absolutely am thrilled that they got together because my mom deserves some happiness and together-time in her life. Every time I talk to her, she says how much she and Aubrey have been laughing, joking with each other and AT each other (Aubrey, check your pants...the nurses have been watching). It's been a very long time since I've seen her so happy and I give thanks to God for bringing two wonderful people together.

My hope for her today and for the rest of her life is that God will bless their marriage and their lives together. I pray that He will bring them happiness, contentment, stability and a lifetime of incredible memories and laughs. That's one thing our family loves to do when we're together...laugh. Whether it's because of me or the kids or my mom, grandmother & aunt getting into what I call "the silent gasps of hilarity", there is never a shortage of laughter when we're all together. Now that Aubrey is in her life, there is even more laughter, much of it as his expense...at least that's how my mom tells the story.

I give thanks today for a godly mother and the influence and life lessons she taught me throughout my life. She has been a guiding light to me and someone I could call to talk to about anything at anytime. My teenage years were somewhat tumultuous living with my step-dad. Although he may have meant well, life was pretty stressful during that time. Yet as bad as things got (and let's face it...I was a typical teenage boy going through typical teenage boy antics) I knew that I could always count on Mom's support and encouragement in my life.

I believe that a large part of how I've learned patience and compassion for others was from watching how she reacted to things. Sure, we all have our mini-meltdowns from time to time and we all engage with personalities with whom we might clash. But she showed me how to navigate around those stormy waters as best as we can and maintain a level of poise, grace and understanding.

Even though I fought time & time again from going to church everytime the doors were open, I feel that where I am today in my spiritual walk can be traced back to my upbringing. I think my being aware of God's voice in my life was instilled within me at a young age and my mother's influence there plays a very large part. While I didn't rely upon the Lord throughout my teenage and 20-something years, I do now and I believe it all started from that very first time my mom took me to hear about Jesus.

My mom was there with me the day I found out I was diabetic. I remember the shock and fear that I had about learning I had to take shots for the rest of my life. I remember crying at the doctor's office at the news. I remember her calling my grandparents and telling them "I have a sweet little boy", their code way of saying I was diabetic. I don't remember seeing her cry at the news but I know she did and I know she was heartbroken when she talked to my grandparents. She was like that in a lot of ways...as hurt as she may have been inside, she was an enormously strong woman and didn't break down in front of me, although it'd have been perfectly fine if she had.

As strong as she was on the inside, she still was able to maintain a pretty good right hook across my backside. Now I know this will come as a shock to everyone reading this but yes...every once in a while, I deserved (and received) a right good whippin'.

Ahh yes...good times, good times. One of many jumps out at me right now. It was when I was 11 or so and we were at JCPenney and I was "whining" (yeah...I never whined but for the sake of the story, let's just say I did) and complained about my legs hurting.

My mother had started with the "early warning signs" of telling me to straighten up and we were almost through. Funny, I find myself using those signals to my kids as well. Anyway, after what seemed like an hour later, it was time to FINALLY check out. It was at that moment when I'd had enough of this silly walking when I noticed a large display of oversized pillows stacked on top of each other.

Hmmm...pillows + tired legs = instant comfort.

Math was NEVER a strong subject of mine.

I decided enough of this business...I'm sitting down now. So, I strutted over to the pillows and sat my 110+ lbs down on that display (which, in retrospect, who in their right minds sets giant cushy pillows on glass shelves??). A viscious chain reaction ensued which you can well imagine. A huge crashing sound and a shower of glass cascading to the ground, with pillows and a whiny 11 year old within the melee.

The nerve I had at that moment to actually look shocked at what I'd done. Apparently, I didn't quite factor into account something as simple as "weight limits" and how I exceeded those set forth on the glass shelves. I also didn't factor in the thrashing I was to receive for acting like such a twit but that's what's good about my mom. She brought me from unawareness to complete understanding within mere seconds. She's good, I'm telling you.

Oh Mom? One final thing...as in keeping with our tradition of gift and card exchanges for the holidays, your card is on the island and should be sent out today. Hopefully a birthday card a few days late will be OK. Otherwise, I can always hang onto the cards until Lincoln's Birthday because you know, we just don't make that day a big enough celebration, do we? HA!!

I love you Mom!! Happy Birthday!!

Take My Life

This weekend, I'm hoping to go see the movie "One Night With The King" with my wife. I've been looking forward to this for a while and was excited to see it had come to Fayetteville. The movie is based on the story of Esther in the Bible. It's the story of a Jewish orphan girl who becomes the queen of Persia through a marvelous chain of events. It's quite a story and example of how God can raise someone up from lowly beginnings to become a person of high influence and authority. I highly recommend you take some time to read the story in the Bible if you can.

By the way, it's right before the book of Job in the Old Testament if you're not sure where to look. LOL

The movie has gotten incredible reviews from people who've seen it and recognize it as the story of Esther. From all that I've heard, seen and read about it, the acting, scenery, costuming and everything else make it a legitimately stunning movie.

I've posted this link to a song by Michael Sweet called "Take My Life" that is on the "King" soundtrack, I believe. This link takes you to a video that incorporates scenes from the movie along with Michael singing this incredible version of the timeless hymn we are so familiar with. It's amazing how with a slightly different melody and visual behind the very same lyrics I sang as a child in church, this song and it's message becomes ever so powerful and relevant to my life. I can't begin to explain how humble I feel as I listen to this song and invision myself at the feet of Christ, laying my treasures out before Him.

The song, it's message and the theme of the book of Esther and this movie, along with a few other things going on in my life right now, echo the prayer I have for the Lord right now...

Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to Thee. Use it and fulfill it for Your purposes and make the words & songs that come from my mouth be filled with praise and adoration to You, my Heavenly Father.

My brothers & sisters, I feel that time is running out for us to share God's love with others. Events in the world today and constant reminders that our lives as humans are that of a vapor (James 4:14) tell me that I need to be doing more for His kingdom and becoming more obedient to His plan for my life. I guess that's why this song and the impact it's had on my is so powerful today...because I know God wants to use me and I have to allow Him to do that.

Watch this song, reflect on it's lyrics & message and allow God to speak to you today. May His blessings fall upon you as you wait upon the Lord.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Eac8sSa9C4

Peek-A-Boo

A lot of little odds & ends today but nothing of real focus. It happens and I feel kind of out of kilter today since Jake was home sick yesterday. So, in writing something now, it feels more like a Monday instead of Tuesday. Here's just some quick hits of what's pinging around in the ol' noggin this morning...

Jake was sick Sunday night / early Monday morning. There's nothing like waking up from a deep sleep to hear your son crying out in anguish and as you race upstairs, you nearly fall forward into what has caused him such pain. Yuck. To make matters worse (for me), my wife cannot stand foul odors (and she's a doctor??) so whenever there's a "mess" to clean up, I get handed a mop, the Resolve carpet cleaner AND the dirty sheets, towels clothes and child. Thankfully, even though I get nauseous at sights AND smells, I can most of the time go to that "happy place" inside my mind and block things out. Thank God for mental images of cartoons, comic books and playing a killer round of golf.

I stomped this weekend at Fantasy Football. I scored 115 points, which I think is a first for our league. Actually, one of my friends, Dave, may have hit over 100 earlier this year so I can't claim all-time high scorer just yet. But I had a couple of players who literally erupted for a plethora of scoring points, catapulting me not only to a win but this week's high score. Not too many guys like me right now but it's often lonely at the top.

What's that proverb? "Pride cometh before the fall"? Ahh, I retract that last statement then.

I took the kids to the Razorback game on Saturday. It was Jake's first time at an Arkansas football game and by the second touchdown, he was already calling the Hogs. It was a moment that made a daddy proud. We were lucky to get 3 seats on the bottom section since we did the last minute walk-up and bought some tix from a guy off the street. We only stayed for the first half though because Jake was getting restless and started doing the early stages of the "potty dance". Considering how we were sitting in the middle of a section and would have to keep climbing over people all around us, I convinced the kids going home at halftime would be a good thing. Turned out I was right. It was a blowout game where the Hogs beat lowly SE Missouri 63-7 and both kids were quickly getting bored with the game.

Last thing...

I got in bed with the kids last night as Kaitlyn read us all a bedtime Bible story. As I lay there with the boy snuggled up next to me, I had my eyes shut and knew Jake's head was mere inches from mine. I barely opened my eye to sneek a peek at him and I saw his eyes squinted shut and a huge teethy grin on his face. Then his eyes snuck open to get a peek at me, at which point, we both began to giggle at each other.

And then it hit me.

I wonder if Joseph ever had those kind of moments with Jesus. Can you imagine something so precious? As we all know how impish and mischevious little boys can be, mine being no exception, I wondered if Jesus ever acted like that with His earthly daddy. I can just see our Savior as a little boy, playing peek-a-boo or pretending to be asleep yet barely able to contain His grin & excitement. I knew the love and gratitude I felt for Jake last night as we continued our game of fake sleeping and giggling. I gave God a quiet, inward prayer of thanks and praise.

In some of the more simplest of things in life, God reveals Himself to me. He does that for all of us if we're careful enough to look for it. Thank the Lord that the God we serve, the One who is mighty to save and deliver, the One who created the heavens and the earth, can STILL come down to our level and be that still small voice that resonates within and tells us

"I love you".

Thanks God...for reminding me that You are our Father, that we are Your children and that You love us. Thank you for reminding us that no matter what we are going through, regardless of how big or small things are, YOU are there. We know this to be true. When we as little children play peek-a-boo with You, wondering if You are listening or watching us, if we quiet ourselves and wait, we will always be reminded and see that You never leave us.

You never sleep, You never slumber. You always have our best interests in hand. When we are weak, You are strong. When we are tossed about onthe waves of chaos, You take us to a Rock of peace. When we feel alone the most, it is then You are closest.

God, You are awesome!!!

Another Reminder Of How Short Life Is

Yesterday, we all heard about the tragic plane crash into a New York building that killed 2 people, one of whom was New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle. Many on talk shows and sports television / radio programs will be discussing how more and more athletes are being hurt (or killed) as a result of their continued pursuance of "the thrill". For some, it's the thrill of flying. For others, it might be the thrill of riding a motorcylce or racing a dragster. Some like to skydive or scuba dive. Whatever their hobbies are, it seems some of them are being suddenly and drastically taken from us.

However, I'm not here this morning to talk about the evils of pro athletes involved with activites that could hurt them and the teams they represent. What is on my mind today is another fleeting reminder of how precious yet short our lives really are.

Lidle was on his way home to be with his wife & kids in California, who, oddly enough, were also in the air on a commercial flight (reportedly). However, I've heard it said that most of America knew of the crash and his death before the Lidles reached the ground. How sad and tragic for them. He leaves behind a wife and their 6 year old son.

I have often talked about what kind of legacy am I going to leave behind when it's my time to go. Will people think fondly of me? Will my kids and wife be OK? Will they remember me? How will our kids grow up and turn out? What kind of influence will I have had on them and will that influence continue to guide them thoughout their lives? What about all the friends and family I leave behind? What kind of impact will I have had on their lives? Will it make a difference? Will my message of trusting and believing in the Lord ring out? Will that be my calling card?

Will people think back about me and see Christ living and working in me? That's what I want most of all. No accolades or marks of good conduct for anything I've done but (hopefully) all that people will say about me is that they saw Jesus when they saw me.

I often wonder about the things I do in life and the kind of life I lead. Does it point people toward Him? This blog that I try to keep up to date...do people find hope and joy in it? Is it the kind of hope and joy that can only be found in a personal relationship with Jesus? Am I conveying this message properly, reaching out to people who may be hurting or needing encouragement?

Do I like it when I hear people are reading this blog? You bet. But, my hope and reason for doing this is not only to bring encouragement to people and maybe a few good laughs now and then, but I really want people to know the Lord I know. I want people to reach out to Him the way I did on September 11, 2001. I want people to feel the way He reached back to me and wrapped His loving arms around me, assuring me that He would never leave nor forsake me. I want people to feel His love, to experience His peace, to know Him and His plan for their lives.

I want people to accept Him for who He is, realizing that much of that comes from a deep faith that cannot be proven scientifically but can only be affirmed by the knowledge of us being saved by His marvelous grace. The reminder that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

There is no favoritism with God. Nothing separates me from you in His sight. He loves us all the same and the Bible says He desires that none should perish and to prevent this from happening, God did a wonderful thing for us.

He sent His Son into the world to die for each & every one of us. He became "sin" so that we might become "sinless". Forgiven. Redeemed. One of His own.

I don't say these things today in some sort of way to fill a quota before I die. I don't say these things because of a horrible accident in NYC yesterday. I don't say these things to keep them fresh on your mind so that IF I die soon, people can say "oh yeah, he talked about God a lot."

No.

The reason I say these things today (and quite often) is that I am called to do so. I know that the Word says that if I were not to praise the Lord the very stones of the earth would erupt into song. Jesus said that we are to go out into the world and become fishers of me. We are to plant the seed and collect the harvest.

It is my most earnest opinion that time is ticking by and running out. With world events seeming to pulse in a more determined, drastic and tragic manner (ie: wars & rumors of wars, brutal slayings, kidnappings, hate), I believe we are so much closer to the brink of Christ's return than we've ever been. You may scoff at this notion or just outrightly think I've lost it.

Please...don't disregard what I'm trying to tell you today.

Read the book of Revelation and Daniel. Read the newspapers and dig into the history and prophecy of Israel and the End Times.

There are factors that are falling into place even as I type this.

Life is short. Time is slipping by and eventually it will all be too late.

Make your mark today. Create your legacy. See the world through Christ's eyes and love one another.

Prom 2006

As promised, although a couple days late, here are the pics we took when we went to a "musical" (The Awesome 80's Prom) that was a recreation of a 1989 prom. This "musical" has been all over the country to rave reviews, including New York and Chicago. It's cast is a 1989 high school senior class, complete with every kind of student you can imagine:

A nerd, a nerdette, a jock QB, a stoner (think Judd Neslon from the Breakfast Club), a quiet and unassuming Japanese exchange student (boy), the cheerleader and her gang of 2 mimics, the big oaf football player, the brainy yet brown-nosey student class president, his prim & proper girlfriend who I don't think has ever been kissed, a Boy George wanna be (ugh) and the principal.

Now, think of every 80's fashion, trend, musical group and fad and it was either mentioned or seen. Posters adorned the room of Michael Jackson, Wham, Duran Duran, Van Halen, Lionel Richie, Top Gun, Footloose, the A-Team, Rubick's cube, Knight Rider, the Dukes of Hazzard...you get the idea.

Patrons were encouraged to come dressed as their own 1989 prom, which my wife was eager to do. Thankfully, we saw that a few other couples took it to the extent we did too. However, we got a LOT of stares. Perhaps it was because of my wife's "southern belle" charm & smile. Maybe it was the loud and outlandish green dress and tie we wore. Maybe it was the poofy hair Jennifer had teased. That's the one thing I could never be sure of...were people reacting to us legitimately or as their character?

Here's some interesting tidbits about our attire that night:

1. The clothes you see us wearing are the same ones we wore on Prom Night 1989. Jennifer's dress is the actual one she wore that night. My tux is not but the cummerbund and tie are the exact color and config as the ones I had. Judging by the difficulty I had in finding a tie & cummerbund that matched her dress exactly, I think it's safe to say green lame' is not coming back anytime soon.

2. Our hair. My wife's hair is almost just as poofy as it was back in the day. Me? Let's just say I'm about to become a stockholder in Rogaine.

3. I still don't like to dance, especially to anything off "Footloose".

4. I still get the urge to airguitar to Van Halen's "Jump". Sad.

Here are the pics. Enjoy and laugh at my expense. My wife already has.

Prom 1989:




















Prom 2006:















See much change? BESIDES my larger mid-section? Nah...I don't either...except my wife is even more HAWT than she was back in the day!!!

Sadly, we didn't win "Best Dressed Couple" nor did we win "King / Queen" of the prom. We did have another couple (one that paid to be in the audience with us) ask if they could take our picture because my wife & I "were so cute".

Awwww...I feel all plump & warm inside. Kinda like an apple pie.

Speaking of desserts though, to drown out our sorrow for not winning any door prizes, we retired to our room rather early (around 10:30p) and endulged in some incredible cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.

Even that $4.00 bottle of sparkling water tasted pretty good.

Hey...watch it buddy. I know you're the tough guy and all that but if you keep eyein' up my girl, I may just have to do something about it...

Me: "Excuse me sir but that's my girl you're trying to make time with. Would you please---

Tough Guy: "Shaddup you or you'll be wearin' that punch bowl for a skirt, Sally!"

Me: "But my name isn't Sal--"

Tough Guy: "I said 'shuttee uppee'. Now get us some soda pop while we get a little more comfy."

Me: "Yes sir, Mr. Tough Guy sir."

Me: (thinking to myself) "Why didn't I invest in one of those Charles Atlas body builder kits on the back of my comic books? That way, I would be the one kicking sand in his face AND getting the girl. Sigh."

Back From Chicago

Well, quite an eventful time in Chicago for me and the wife!! Where do I start though?

We left Thursday morning at 5:30am for the airport and their recommended 2 hour check in. We were fortunate to get right in, get the bags checked through and even bumped into one of our friends from church. I was extremely surprised to see how many people filter through XNA at 6am but I guess with all the Wal-Mart, P&G and Tyson business travel, it's to be expected.

The flight up there was smooth as buttah. No turbulence, no profusely sweaty palms and only an hour or so flight instead of the projected 90 minute ride.

Here's where the "culture shock" set in.

I won't belabor this point but oh my word...I was totally unprepared for how ridiculously expensive things are in downtown Chicago. You apparently have to tip everyone you see at the hotels. Seriously.

"Good morning sir. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Ahem..." (as the bellman holds his hand out)

It was almost that asinine.

And the prices at the downtown stores like Bloomingdale's, Macy's and Sak's?? Oh man...I thought paying $90 for a tie at the local Dillard's was ridiculous. How does $100 for 1 ratty, worn-out, see-through mens' t-shirt sound? They weren't any famously trendy designed shirts either. These things were worn out, flimsy and about as thin as a handkerchief. If I was that desperate to look and dress in that style, I could just reach in the bottom of my dresser and pull out something that would match what they were trying to sell me.

How does $800 for a jacket I can buy here at JCP or Dillard's for under $100 sound? Unbelievable? Yeah, me too...and I even let out my astonishment out loud a few times.

Of course, I got that persimmon sneer from Kristopf across the aisle. I thought it'd have been funny if I'd have broken out in a heavily thick Ar-kan-saw accent and really made him squirm & sneer but I had some slacks and dress shirt on and my faux dialect probably wouldn't have come off as too authentic.

I realized from this trip how cheap I'm really becoming...cheap as in frugal. Wouldn't my parents be so proud of me now?

We got to eat lunch with a good friend of mine who I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years and for me, that was my highlight. We sat and talked at this great restaurant for nearly 2 hours until he had to go back to work. It was great catching up on old times and all our adventures as adults, husbands and dads.

Jennifer and I went to the theater that night and saw Wicked, a musical based on the "pre-wizard" relationship between Elphaba (The Wicked Witch of the West) and Glinda (the Good Witch). Apparently, they went to the same school and as they once started out as bitter rivals, they actually ended up as best friends. Who knew?

This story is based on what might have happened in their younger days and is loosely structured on the actual Wizard of Oz storyline. It was pretty cool with all the stage effects and singing and makeup. Of course, there was a tender moment where I heard some women (and men if you know what I mean) sniffling at the love story going on on stage between Elphaba and one of the main guys.

I laughed at Jennifer for this sniffling. Who wouldn't? LOL

The next day, we went to go see the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum. Once I got past the little munchkins who were running around unsupervised (all the school kids on a field trip) I was able to recognize and appreciate the beauty, the detail and the importance of these ancient artifacts. Such detail went into everything they made back in those days. Such precision in what they made and how they made things. Everything from toy boxes to childrens' chairs to coffins and chests, knives and swords...utterly amazing.

They had Tut's CT films up on the wall and of course Jennifer was there reading them and found several fractures. As it turned out, because of these new studies, his death of being struck on the head is being ruled out. They think he may have suffered an injury to his knee and a deadly infection set in, ultimately killing him. Of course, I was puffing like a proud daddy for my wife being able to see the various fractures and sprains on those X-rays. She's so smart & pretty...and she is my wife!!

Hooray me!!

If you're not able to see the Tut exhibit anytime soon, I highly recommend you checking out a DVD from Best Buy or on the Nat'l Geographic channel and seeing all the splendor of all these treasures. It is such a thing to behold and see first hand. Just to imagine all those items, made of pure gold and the intricate detail that went into their creation...it's just amazing.

I'll finish up tomorrow with accounts of our "prom night" on Saturday, which was an experience to say the least.

Bottom line, it's great to be back home with the kids, in our own bed, on our own pillows and back into our normal way of life.

Oh yeah...almost forgot...

HOW 'BOUT THEM HOGS???

#17 in the AP Poll!! Way to go Razorbacks and your colossal upset of Auburn!!

Wooo Pig Sooie!!

Off To The Windy City

Well, this one may be my last blog for a few days or so because the wife & I are headed to Chicago for the weekend for a radiology conference.

Oh yes, did I not tell you? I'm also a doctor of radiology and will be making a wonderful presentation on the new methods I've developed on detecting food particles in moustaches on men between the ages of 3-12 with a new radiomagnetic isotope gel that looks just like ketchup.

Or catsup, if you prefer.

Unfortunately, as I check on the number of reservations for my talk, I see I actually have negative numbers scheduled. What the-?? Negative numbers?? Apparently even I won't be showing up. LOL

Seriously, Jennifer has a conference and I'm tagging along to make it a nice getaway weekend for both of us. There are some nice restaurants, a couple Broadway shows and meeting up with one of my best friends, whom I haven't seen in 20 years all planned to begin this Thursday. We tried to get tix to see Oprah but her line was always busy. I even tried the "good husband/desperate husband" trick via email (you know...for a surprise for my hard-working wife) but I never heard back from Ms. Winfrey.

Bah! I didn't want a new car from her anyway!! LOL

I wanted to go see the Bears play on Sunday but:

a) Jennifer gets done with her conference at noon
b) We have to check out of the hotel by noon
c) We'd have no place to put our luggage
d) Our flight leaves at 5:30 and with all the stories about the "Chicago to Fay" flight getting cancelled, we don't want to chance it.

Most of you may know how much I love flying. Yes, I know all the stats and how it's quick, efficient and the safest way to travel but I still get the sweaty palms when I think about it. Maybe there's a self-help website I can study within the next 24 hours. Actually, my main fear is not getting home on Sunday night due to a cancellation or flight delay. Once the wheels touch down at XNA Sunday night, I'll be completely relaxed.

Only to realize that the trip is over.

Anyway, I'll hope to post some pics when we get up there as I sit in the room during the day. Sure, I guess I could still try to give my presentation but I'd rather the management at the Drake not get wind of my talk and end up throwing me out with last night's caviar.

Snails sure are stinky.

Please pray for us, especially me and my nervous tendencies, that we'll have a safe, relaxing flight there and back and that all flights will be on time, no luggage lost and no sweating through brand new dress shirts.

Have a great day and I'll talk to you soon from the Windy City.

The Cost of Obedience

God never ceases to amaze me, by what He shows me, how He blesses me and how He teaches me lessons through life's simplest experiences.

The other night, I was reading the kids a goodnight Bible story. Each child has their own "picture" Bible, one for Kaitlyn (a girl book) and one for Jake (a Bible aimed at a boy). Kaitlyn was finishing up her story she was reading to me and Jake when he raised up his book and asked me to find the story about "that big guy".

I knew this was the story of David & Goliath, a story that's becoming one of his favorites as it was mine when I was his age. I can remember numerous times sitting in my grandfather's office when he'd stop preparing for Sunday's message to tell me some of those great Bible stories, especially David & Goliath.

Anyway, as I reached for Jake's Bible-story book, he stopped and showed me a cartoon picture that seemed to concern him greatly.

"Daddy, what is that?" he asked me softly.

I looked and there was a drawing of Abraham and Isaac. Isaac was bound and laying on an altar as Abraham was holding a knife in his hand.

"Uh oh" I thought to myself. "How am I going to explain this without scaring him? Lord, please give me the wisdom and discernment I need to share Your plan with my kids."

"Well" I replied "that's a knife."

"Is he going to cut that boy?" Jacob asked.

"Ummm...well...he WAS going to but God told him to stop and to not hurt Isaac" I said, hoping to bring some light to this subject.

"Why is he not going to cut him?"

"Because Abraham showed God he would obey him, no matter what God asked him to do" I replied. "This made God very happy and not only did He stop Abraham from cutting Isaac but He told Abraham that because he obeyed Him, He would make his family as big as there are stars in the sky. Isn't that cool?"

"But he isn't going to cut that boy anymore, is he" Jake asked, still somewhat concerned. "Why was his daddy going to make him die?"

"Oh boy..." I whispered to myself.

"Well Jake, God wanted to see if Abraham would obey Him and He knew how much Abraham loved his son, just like I love you!! But Abraham, as sad as he was to hear this from God, knew that deep down, God knew best and would make it all work out" I said with as much bounce and happiness in my voice as I could muster.

"Then, he got that boy down from the table and they went home?" he said softly.

"Yes. They went home and were very happy God had been good to them" I said.

Jake sat there for a minute and looked at the picture. And then, I noticed something...

Tears began to form in his eyes and his little voice began to get choked up and cracked.

"I bet Isaac was sad and was crying and scared when he got home because he missed his mommy" Jake said in a raspy voice.

That was about all I could take. I sat up and reached for Jake and pulled him close to me, hugging him and rubbing his back in a reassuring manner.

"Yeah, you're probably right" I said, trying to hold back my tears. "You know what Jake? Daddy loves you very much and Mommy loves you very much. We don't want you to worry about us ever hurting you, OK? God doesn't ask Daddies and Mommies to do that to their kids. He wants us to love and protect our kids and help them to be good boys & girls...just like you and Kate."

"God was just showing Abraham how important it was to learn how to obey and how it's good to obey. But I don't want you to ever worry about us hurting you, OK?"

He nodded his head and cleared his throat.

"OK Daddy" he whispered.

You know, how often do we stop to think about our obedience to the Father? How far would we go in doing what He asked us to do? Granted, I don't believe God ever asks us to do anything that would contradict what His word says in the Bible. He talks very plainly about how strongly He opposes murder and human sacrifice. Jesus was very open about His love and affection for the little children as well, reprimanding the disciples who were trying to keep the kids away from Him.

But there are times in our lives when we feel God is asking us to do something out of our realm of comfort. Be assured though...He will never ask us to do anything alone or anything outside of His will and plan for our life.

Our mens' study group is discussing a topic just like this in our Tuesday night get-togethers. How far would we go to obey God? Would we do what He asks us to do or would we ignore Him, giving Him every reason in the book why we can't do something? It's been quite a discussion and very thought provoking.

What will be the cost for our obedience to Him and His will for our lives? Do we worry about the immediate and what we might lose now (ie: material things, a move to a new location, a new job, etc) or do we trust in Him fully, knowing He's got our best interest at hand and that through whatever He asks us to do, He will be there with us the entire way?

I pray that whatever and whenever He asks something of me, my faith in Him will be strong enough to trust in Him completely. Like the old-time gospel song says...

"He never has failed me yet."

May God grant you peace, rest and blessings today. Have a great week.