Attention Bozo The Clown!!

You left your shoes at Finish Line, bub!!

Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous in all your life? Oh man...when did I get all old and crotchety? LOL

Look at these things. They are actually designed for men. And what macho man wouldn't want to be caught out in the world, looking all hip & stylish with a pair of "Ice Creams" on his feet.

Yes, I said "Ice Creams". Shoes named after soft, creamy and cold desserts are now being marketed to young men later this summer. Now what kind of men, I don't know. Maybe it's guys who can't get the girls to notice them before will now turn heads looking like rejects from the Doodlebops.

Oh man...don't get me started on the Doodlebops. They're just plain freaky & evil!!!

Who knows? Perhaps it'll be guys like rockstars, skateboarders, circus or rodeo clowns, break dancers or perhaps guys who still live in their mom's basement, concocting a comic book plot between the DC Universe and the cast from the original Star Trek.

Guaranteed though...I wouldn't be caught dead in those shoes if I had to walk barefoot through glass from here to...well...the ice cream shop.

Now, back in the day, I'd have LOVED to have worn a pair of these cool lookin' Chuck Taylors! I mean if they were good enough for Eddie Van Halen, they'd have been good enough for me. However, knowing the kind of teenage angst I went through and the severe lack of self-conficence I had (hey, during my teens, when I'm beginning to develop into a respectable young man, I had to drive a pale yellow station wagon with 3 out of 4 hubcaps on it and a radio that even got AM!!) I doubt a pair of shoes would've made me any "cooler" to the girls. I could've shown up in a Starsky & Hutch car or KITT and they'd have still looked at me as "that cute, sweet funny guy."

Ugh.

I've often told my wife it's a real burden being so good looking and charming instead of being taller and more fit.

Well, today is the last day of school for Kate. I woke up grumbling that she even had to go to school at all. Seriously, why bother? It's not like they're going to begin a new section on how to use long division or conjugate verbs. I remember my last day(s) of grade school and while I was excited it was, for all intents & purposes, a play day, I'd have rather stayed home and played. However, I know Kaitlyn is excited to not only say good bye to her friends & teacher(s) for the summer, but she wants to show off her new contacts.

Actually, how can you show off something that's nearly invisible?

Here's how I imagine the day going.

Arrive at school, get to class before the opening bell, teacher takes roll, turn in books, games & silliness begins and by 10:15, school administrators are wondering why we even bothered to have school today. Last day of school party begins at 1:30p, kids get amped up on sugar & cookies & punch, spill Kool-Aid all over that new yellow shirt we told the child to be careful with (you might as well give them a scooter and tell them to tiptoe through a Hallmark store if you think that shirt will come back in it's original form) and then arrive home, cranky from their sugar high and complain about being "bored".

Within one week, I predict every parent I know will have said at least one time "I can't wait for these kids to get back to school!"

And thus, by September when the leaves begin to change and the kids start another year of educational rearing, we will now understand why 37 year old parents have suddenly gone gray-headed.

"I'm not only the president of Grecian formula, I'm also a regular user."

Maybe this fall I'll go with a dark auburn color. Yeah, that's the ticket. That way it'll match the 3 pairs of "Ice Cream" shoes I vowed I'd never wear.