Everybody Dance Now!

It's midway through the Memorial Day weekend and we had decided that we'd go see our neighbor girls' dance recital this afternoon. Now, I'd kinda had an idea of what to expect as far as the "high class" folk coming in for a relaxing afternoon of tranquil dance movements and watching their daughters perform to light, polite patters of applause. I was expecting the kids (mine) to be a little expressive and restless at times but I was hoping they'd make it through the afternoon without me having to remove one (or both) of them to accompany me to the car for the remainder of the performance.

However, Jake had other ideas.

No sooner had we gotten to our seats in the auditorium than he decided to start seat hopping, going from one seat to another, and watching the cusions fold up automatically.

"Oh boy" I thought. "This is already getting old."

I noticed a few of the parents and grandparents giving me "the eye", wondering why I hadn't corraled that boy into submission yet. I kind of wondered the same thing. My wife & I pleaded with him to sit still and wait for Lauren & Jane (the 2 girls for our neighborhood) to come on and dance and he tried to comply.

Finally (and mercifully) the lights went down, only 15 minutes late, and the show started...

with ballet.

Ugh. Someone pull my brain out through my ears. Yank my toenails off with pliers. Sure, it was cute watching 3 year old girls prance about and look confused and bewildered, but flutes that trill and oboes that shrill are not my preference for music.

Obviously, they aren't Jake's either. He was trying to sit on my lap and watch the girls dance but began to lose interest. He then decided he'd rather sit and contort himself in such a way that he let me know he was ready to wrestle and let me tickle him.

He does this by raising his arm over his head, leaning backwards and exposing under his neck, all the while, giggling in anticipation of me pouncing on him. Yet I knew in that particular setting, with the social elite there for a bit of culturizing, there was no way any of them would find my zerberting the child humorous in any way.

"Tickle me" he dared me under his breath. "Daddy, come on...get me."

Knowing full well the ramifications of me "getting him" in that setting, I began to stifle my own giggles and said "no...Daddy can't get you right now. We have to be quiet."

Now, he raised both arms, revealing 2 helpless and vulnerable armpits.

"Dad...get me!"

The little imp was tempting me, daring me, challenging me to a duel and I couldn't do a blessed thing about it.

As I began to giggle under my breath, I felt the light yet deliberate "touch" of my wife's hand. A touch that said "knock it off, boys or you're BOTH gonna get a whippin'!"

"But he's-" I tried to respond but got the eye and a finger to the mouth in a shushing manner.

"Argh" I grumbled inside.

Mercifully, the first act came to an end and I suggested to Jake that he and I go outside to watch a movie in the SUV. He began to protest then I waved a fruit snack in front of him and we were off to the races.

Thank goodness for DVD's in SUV's because that was my saving grace this afternoon. I took him up the road a few minutes before it all ended to get some soda for a BBQ after the recital and bribed him with the possiblity to get a Hot Wheel car (about .93...well worth his compliance).

So we trot into a local grocery store where I come to realize they don't have any kind of car worth buying the boy. It's time for some creative parenting as I tell him we're going to another store and if he's good, we can all go through a car wash on the way home.

Hey, we have simple pleasures here.

Triumphantly he struts out of Harp's, boldly telling the manager "bye bye...my dad says we're going to the other Wal-Mart!"

Where is a hole to fall in when you really need one?

Flash ahead about 45 minutes...the toy car has been found and bought, soda has been purchased and the wife & daughter picked up from the recital. It's time to head home...but first, a little stop by the car wash. I pull up to the pay screen, select my desired car wash, insert my cash, pull forward, hear an ungodly clank and see the car wash attendant slink forward and inform me that "the chain is caught on sumthin' and I can't get ya goin' just yet."

"You mean we're stuck?" I asked almost laughing?

"Yep, but don't worry. My manager is on his way and will be here in a few minutes"

Wow. That's a new one. Stuck in a car wash. So I call our friends to tell them we're going to be a little late to the BBQ because we're stuck in a car wash. Rather than sympathy, we got laughter and more laughter...both on the phone and from the kids in the backseat.

I'm glad we can bring so much joy & laughter to the lives of all our friends and families. It actually was pretty funny...I can't imagine anyone making up an excuse like getting stuck in a car wash before. No doubt, the way I know Mike, this one's going to come back and bite me one day.