Guilt-Ridden Dad

This weekend, Jennifer's sister & family are in for a visit so it's a near-chaotic time with all 4 kids in the home, but it's a good kind of hectic. Jake's of the age where he wants to be involved with the big kids and he's actually able to hold his own rather well. However, this morning, I decided to take him in to school for a little while as I gave the older kids some "older" activities to do. But as I tried to make school sound as fun as I could to Jake, he responded with all kinds of gut-wrenching tears & moans.

Oh, the guilt being laid upon me.

I had the boy settled down until we pulled into the parking lot of his school. Then, the silent sobs, the shaking of the shoulders and the faucet of tears began.

"D-d-d-d-daddy" he began to weep..."I don't want to g-g-g-go to school".

Great. Drive the knife in deeper.

"But it'll be fun" I tried to explain.

Increase the volume of wails & amount of tears.

"Noooo!" he pleaded. "I wanna stay with you."

Ahhh, I thought to myself. Obi-Wan has taught you well the art of "guilting the father". Ugh.

I got out of the truck with a heavy heart and we walked into the school together, hand in hand. They said the kids were already outside playing, since it's been much cooler in the morning than in the afternoon.

"Cool Jake" I exclaimed. "Let's go out & play!!"

We walked out and he went inside the play area, walking as bravely and as assuredly as a distraught 4 year old can, all the while, the knife of guilt made it's way deeper into the dark recesses of my black, cold heart.

I lowered my head and slowly got into the truck to drive away. I'd already felt bad about dropping the boy off at school because all he really wanted to do was stay home & play with the big kids and be a part of things. Here I was, the mean old daddy, leaving him behind to accomodate my preferences to watch the older (and more independent) kids at home.

"Don't look up" I whispered to myself. "Don't look up...don't look up...don't look---"

Ugh.

"I told you not to look up!!"

There at the gate was my son, clutching his shirt and wiping his eyes, reaching through the bars to plead with me one last time.

"Daddy!!"

I had signed him in at 9:30am with an estimated time of pickup around 3pm.

I signed him out at 9:35am.

It was the right thing to do. I knew it immediately and to be honest, I'm excited about spending the day with my little buddy. I believe we're going to all go try & hit a matinee of "Cars" so pray for me that I can manage all 4 kiddies in the theater, who will undoubtedly be amped up on lemonade, popcorn and M&M's.

Lord, hear my prayer.

LOL